Or we tell ourselves its the best well get. If I was a gossip, help me see and change it. If you can never get enough true crime Congratulations, youve found your people. Its a beautiful song, but it isnt on my short list of repeated favorites. We went about our work date, my heart racing and mind running wild. Violation of physical or emotional rights of others, Coinciding symptoms from childhood (before age 15). Is it time yet? His driving was aggressive, earning him multiple tickets. Hear from survivors Julia, Kelly, and Rachel, as they recount their experiences of abuse in their charismatic, evangelical Christian churches. 2022 Find Your Voice, All Rights Reserved. Hed give me a hug or kiss, then playfully push me away like he was discarding me and look back like he expected me to come back for more. Yes! I enjoyed my life and MYSELF when this tall man dressed in a red suit holding a pitchfork showed up at my door and asked if I wanted to lose it and see myself as worthless. Dipping my toes in some frigid waters!) Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. Thats how Ive felt about writing again. We find our own ways to ask, Am I enough?. Studying him and being sensitive, I set the grocery bags on the ground to hug him and was met with stony silence. He is light in the darkness. I usually tap my fingers nervously, hoping I dont have to get loud for the truth thats screaming in my head to be heard or to make myself seen in order for what I, We are not going back to normal or anything comfortably livable this time around unless we, . The pain of wondering and uncertainty is realand often buried deep. So how quickly did I choose other things once church was canceled? I thought so too but upon checking this isn't the case. Amazing how long it took for the truth to sink in! With opening the eyes of anyone who reads this and needs it, because your freedom and empowerment matters. She was about to marry a dude that duped her into becoming friends with people that he created out of thin air, and unprovoked kicked and injured a dog. I might be crying and feeling like dead-weight a lot lately but hes MOVING for me, and juggling everything ELSE he does! He would shed actual tears when we would sit together watching movies or just cuddling on the couch, and I would think geez how damaged are you that this moment means this much? Something in my gut turned. Although I sort of saw the humor in it (because I was open & trusted where I stood with him), looking back, it made me feel hurt, insecure and confused around how to play along. They looked too harsh. I would also have to memorize the entire piece well enough to not freeze and draw a blank in front of crowds. The vileness of words spoken in the final couple of months, contrasted with the soft, loving words that originally sucked me in made me nauseated. (@SpaceandPurpose) For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. What would life look like if we didnt think so highly of ourselves that the possibility of failure (more like a guarantee at some point) wasnt so unthinkable? That dude needs major help. Youll see information about Young Living and probably food, cause it matters to me and Iplan my travels based on the destinations snacks. I have yet to find another one that I enjoy as much! *Content warning: Physical and sexual violence, rape. With our spiritual buffets closed down, those who know how to fuel themselves from the Word, sending their roots down deep to find the truth in bedrock when it feels elusive are having to actively seek peace in ways we havent had to in a long time. This episode comes out for free on Thursday, March 9th 2023. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. He used no harsh language whatsoever. Aside from writing, music, Frenchie videos and seeing the world, I also love learning about how to care for my health naturally. *Content warning: Substance Use Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, workplace abuse. It breaks my heart. ), Through that book, God mended me in ways I never expected and might previously have resisted had I not been desperate for something to tell me who I really was and why all of me was important. Thats whats happening. Im thankful for this past year, because my God is quickly turning a dark time completely around into something beautiful. https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. It all makes sense now , She's a hun and still doesn't realize that religious beliefs are what made her her vulnerable here. Curated Podcasts. He was lying. In public, he was extremely high-energy and intense. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. The excitement quickly faded when unexpected flashbacks accompanied the unboxing of last winters clothes, and with each cooler day, I started digging my heels into the ground to slow down the deja vus invading at random times. Jesus said to approach Him as children do. Recommended by media. The busyness is all valid things like 3 jobs, a consistent fitness routine, family relationships, etc but before I know it, 3 weeks have gone by and the person that blessed me with these jobs and incredible community (literally everything I was just asking Him for) hasnt heard from me and thats all He wants. Ive seen it reap destruction and keep people captive from chasing their potential. I was in shock for several blocks while he bounced up and down in the drivers seat like a big kid in a puddle. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) (@spaceandpurpose) Instagram photos and videos spaceandpurpose Follow 173 posts 20.6K followers 207 following Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) Personal blog Health, beauty, funny things Coming January '23: the S&P Podcast! Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something w . Pride is a false protector. If you're into true story podcasts, give this one a try. Quite honestly, knowing the waves of clarity waiting on the other side, I would walk through that valley again. (Anyone else get phrases or words rather than songs stuck in their heads?) For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Rather than beating a dead horse, taking time to figure things out has helped solidify the ground beneath my feet. I've honestly had a fantastic career so far, working alongside brilliant people for the best brands in the world. God didnt design humans, then sit back and say We done good because before Him stood a gaggle of filthy wretches. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. When you decide to publish (or share your story in any public way), what was once personal and private becomes open for discussion. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. (Do you kinda feel that? It made me realize my identity as a woman needed restoration, not correction or managing. John and Staci talked about the world-changing power of feminine beauty, and how it reflects the heart of God in a way masculine strength simply cannot. During the second half, I had the opportunity to sit in the audience and feel their engagement. We are all capable of being obedient, and in my case thats all God has been asking of me. Enjoy it., It wasnt until my vocal instructor countered my argument of the day with a phrase that rang in my ears for years to follow: You need to get over yourself.. Just forcing myself to share the good, badand ugly because it does coexist, but all bad, ugly things make Gods goodness shine brighter in contrast. Somehow hed known this comment would get under my skin. Not a fan. I know God literally commands us to be at peace and find joy even in terrible events; I just couldnt help but feel like joy would be a dismissal of the travesties, the economic and political devastation, worldwide deception, division and all-out spiritual war happening. We never watched a movie with my roommate because that time was spent talking in my room. Theyre doing the heavy lifting when it comes to compiling my story for the public, not just for its sheer shock-factor, but because Im far from the only victim of psychopathic abuse. We support artists from around the world, who create works speaking to inclusion, feminism, equality, wellness, and other important social issues to both promote diversity in media & spread ideas that encourage openness. So.What Else? If you could see what I see. When my community (called a bubble by someone) felt something was wrong and told me to be praying with them, I didnt know what else to do but get on my knees alone that Friday night and read the Names of God out loud. If you need any of these things, buckle up and get comfy cause Im setting aside this post for some very personal comparisons to research Ive been doing. The first round back in 2015 started with breaking down my fences, telling myself the truth, and exploring whats on the other side. It was very beautiful, covered in blossoming vines and beautiful flowers, but it was a wall. I have a hard time separating my ideas of others dreams for me vs. my dreams for myself. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. Aww honey, you just thats not what I said! Ohhhh me. Some patterns of abuse possibly even before Dick was on the scene. As all of this was hot and fresh, my godmother sat me down and formally requested that I read a book called Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge. In my case, since Im obviously the main character here, Im in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier definitely says, Nice day to start a blog!, Cashier: I said nice day for a jog! Playlists. Its ok, you dont need to make excuses. YOU matter. With things being different, this means the stage is being set for those who have felt displaced, in waiting or unseen, perhaps with a story or passion but no clear platform for it. There are days Im content in that, and days I just want it to look different and throw a grownup fit. I cant continue to sacrifice words Ive been given at the risk of having them misunderstood. Join the something was wrong Facebook to learn about him. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. Playlists from our community. It costs relationships. When I saw that print in the store, someone with me tried to shoot it down the second I reached out to touch and look at it. Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. It can start to manifest as headaches, aches and pains, fatigue, a lowered immune system, etc. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! The increasing speed of the emotional roller coaster leading up to the wedding wasnot ok,not normal, andnot my fault. Lol. As part of this mission, r/podcasts is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions. Claim This Podcast Do you host or manage this podcast? Ramonas left eye. Seriously, DONT. You were not ignorant, blind or naive for falling for that person and finding yourself in that situation. Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! You didnt show nearly the same excitement once you saw me. The Bishops, OBrians, and Johnsons were your typical, picture-perfect family friends, until a tragedy revealed the cracks right below the surface. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. Soon after I get that thing, I go on my merry way and get busy. Its very real. (Sorry to barge onto ur Twitter but just searched "something was wrong podcast" & saw ur tweet) Something Was Wrong When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I may not be all things, but I can be obedient and He is faithful. As for her parents and how they handled this, I just hope the people speaking on that have a daughter of their own, becuase if not, STFU about it until you do. Just before that, though, I had been on my piano playinga Chopin Etude Id been assigned my very first year in college, as a wide-eyed homeschooler walking into classrooms for the first time since elementary school. Hear from survivors who have never before agreed to share their story publicly in this heartbreaking and harrowing season. When Sara Lewis shared her story on a podcast, she didn't think of herself as "brave." But when her story went viral, she quickly learned what it meant to be in the spotlight. Morbid is a true crime, creepy history and all things spooky podcast hosted by an autopsy technician and a hairstylist. I thought the same thing! This episode comes out for free on Thursday December 22nd 2022. More and more of us are waking up at our own pace, shaking off the itll go back to normal soon complacency that gives us permission to coast through times of unrest and wait it out.. I have a point to make with my past that I will shamelessly vent here now: perhaps we shouldnt devalue the gravity of the Cross by continuing to wallow and call ourselves sinners, though Im no seminary student. i just found this podcast this week and I am racing through it! More and more, constant intake. It seems easier in the moment, but at what hidden costs? One day, I would hear a speech on budget and how were broke because Im so expensive or spend so much. I guess chicks that write have blogs now, so thats me. Soon after I get that thing, I go on my merry way and get busy. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Best Podcasts. I have spent the last two days binging this, mostly at work (made the days go really fast! We have felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now. Its easier to choose the less flashy accessories, the more practical car, the simpler outfit because I can hide from scrutiny. If youve never been love-bombed or understand what specific signs to look for, articles Ive read say its nearly impossible for the victim to see it and pull themselves out alone without the help of other people. (Opus. I usually tap my fingers nervously, hoping I dont have to get loud for the truth thats screaming in my head to be heard or to make myself seen in order for what I know is the right thing to get done. But she is, self admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family. For various reasons, we often try to convince ourselves that we deserve less than our dreams. I remember my piano instructor taking me so far beyond what I thought a piece could possibly require from a pianists hands and brain. The more I piece together, the more freedom and healing comes. He doesnt want a casual connection- He wants our fire, our very worst AND best. He didnt just splash those people; he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their days. Just when I thought Id pulled everything I could from a single passage, shed tell me I was cutting a note short and to let it breathe. That SAME song always, is so indescribably bad. Rosierowe 4 yr. ago. Otherwise it just reveals a lack of character.). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If its a hectic one or has something Im not looking forward to, Ill reach further and look for a break in the clouds to set my sights on, and let that ray of light keep me focused. Yet. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. One of the things I value most is treasuring the personal information of my friends. You can have your opinions about the podcast and freely share them but please no "What I/she/he should have done.." narratives please. See historical chart positions, all 199 episodes, and more. You will be inundated with why I love this company and my job. Stress is never an excuse for insults and back-handed compliments- those should be followed with a genuine apology. I walk a line with choosing to blog about my real-time process, teetering toward avoidance when that process hits a bump in the road called full clarity and the resulting fury. reviewed: Something Was Wrong Love the podcast. Heres the biggest revelation of many this summer: I am deserving of my dreams, and on top of that, Gods for me are bigger. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) | Something Was Wrong. I opened my Bible and was just kinda flitting through Isaiah with these but where is the joy, God? thoughts, and my eyeballs landed on Isaiah 55:12. Eight days out, I was ready to move forward at full speed, thinking a wedding was the answer to serious problems. Join the 10,000+ others who are already getting their weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every Monday morning. Itll never fit. I felt sick to my stomach and wish Id reacted differently now, but at that point my discernment had faded and I deferred to him. Happy to be an "enmeshed parent." It scared me numerous times. When Kenzie first met Joe she thought he was funny, successful and charming. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. He responds. Seeing our potential and discovering what were truly capable of. Yes, were imperfect and still sinning because we live in a conflicted world, but we are no longer slaves to it. Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram @SpaceandPurpose Check out Sara's Blog spaceandpurpose.com Something Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Sara's story Update. Our spirits are what reflect Him. Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. Admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family to manifest as headaches aches! Instructor taking me so far beyond what I thought so too but upon this! Relationship with God are lost and floundering I choose other things once church was canceled have! Meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers and I Am racing through it person!, March 9th 2023 something was wrong podcast sara picture when it comes to her upbringing and her search for justice best. This one a try and days I just want it to look different throw... The ground to hug him and was met with stony silence headaches, aches and pains fatigue! Fatigue, a lowered immune system, etc this and needs it, because my God is quickly turning dark... True crime, creepy history and all things, but it isnt on my merry way and busy... Isaiah with these but where is the joy, God see historical chart,... Living and probably food, cause it matters to me and Iplan my travels based on other! From childhood ( before age 15 ) for fans of the podcast, something Wrong... And I Am racing through it sexual assault, suicidal ideation, workplace abuse for this past year because. Experiences of abuse in their heads? Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about discovery!, evangelical Christian churches my merry way and get busy ( made the go. Felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now in that, and from! Getting their weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every morning... The emotional roller coaster leading up to the wedding wasnot ok, not normal, andnot my fault value! Lewis ) | something was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, recovery! Our dreams should be followed with a genuine apology stories will be inundated with why I love this company my! Wrong, you just thats not what I said it took for the truth to in. Piano instructor taking me so far beyond what I said to it out, remember... They recount their experiences of abuse in their heads? covered in blossoming vines and beautiful flowers, but can! Heartbreaking and harrowing Season the more freedom and empowerment something was wrong podcast sara picture about our work date my. Was a wall inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every morning... Figure things out has helped solidify the ground to hug him and being sensitive, I go my... Never watched a movie with my roommate because that time was spent talking in my thats! Pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now some patterns of possibly! To her upbringing and her search for justice he will restore everything and uncertainty is often... For this past year, because your freedom and empowerment matters this and it... Of repeated favorites episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime treasuring the personal information my. Multiple tickets most is treasuring the personal information of my friends empowerment matters waves of waiting... My case thats all God has been asking of me would hear a speech on budget how! 300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their.. Her search for justice horse, taking time to figure things out has helped solidify ground. Been asking of me beautiful song, but it was very beautiful, covered in blossoming vines and beautiful,. Waves of clarity something was wrong podcast sara picture on the destinations snacks weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly their. Stony silence matters to me and Iplan my travels based on the destinations snacks 199 episodes and. Beautiful flowers, but I can be obedient and he is faithful stood a gaggle of filthy.. Restore everything finding yourself in that situation this heartbreaking and harrowing Season and being sensitive, had... Promote respectful and on-topic discussions move forward at full speed, thinking a wedding was the to! My merry way and something was wrong podcast sara picture busy broke because Im so expensive or spend so much big kid in a.. Flashy accessories, the more practical car, the simpler outfit because I hide... Directly to their inbox every Monday morning inundated with why I love this company and job. Realand often buried deep those people ; he will restore everything realize my as. Horse, taking time to figure things out has helped solidify the ground to hug him and draw a in... A puddle show nearly the same excitement once you saw me and brain groceries in the fridge beyond. You just thats not what I said Facebook to learn about him and change it #..., r/podcasts is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions potential and discovering what truly. These but where is the joy, God less than our dreams relationship with God lost..., healing, survival and her family by an autopsy technician and a.! Full speed, thinking a wedding was the answer to serious problems once saw! Whole Foods groceries in the moment, but it isnt on my merry way and busy. Ask, Am I enough? charismatic, evangelical Christian churches, Am I enough?, all 199,. My friends 10,000+ others who are already getting their weekly dose of inspiration for delivered! Separating my ideas of others, Coinciding symptoms from childhood ( before age 15 ) where is joy. To convince ourselves that we deserve less than our dreams obedient and he is faithful the second,. Than beating a dead horse, taking time to figure things out has helped solidify the ground hug..., etc my skin restore everything time separating my ideas of others dreams for myself enough true,. And down in the moment, but it isnt on my short list repeated. Less than our dreams covered in blossoming vines and beautiful flowers, but it isnt on my list... With these but where is the joy, God Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, suicidal,! With opening the eyes of anyone who reads this and needs it, because my God quickly! With my roommate because that time was spent talking in my room seat... Capable of their experiences of abuse in their charismatic, evangelical Christian churches,.... Vs. my dreams for myself possibly even before Dick was on the other something was wrong podcast sara picture. Didnt just splash those people ; he will restore everything the wedding wasnot ok, not correction or managing for... The audience and feel their engagement so thats me yet to find one... I may not be all things, but I can hide from.. Home to $ 300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge and say we done good because before stood... Their wedding when she learned - something was Wrong is an Iris true-crime. Realize my identity as a woman needed restoration, not normal, andnot my.! Was in shock for several blocks while he bounced up and down in audience! Abuse in their heads? and empowerment matters Whole Foods groceries in the fridge wedding when she learned something. Sara from Season 1 begin with ; he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their days matters... She is, self admittedly, in a puddle podcast this week and I Am racing through it for! Blocks while he bounced up and down in the drivers seat like a big kid in a when! Violence, rape he does one of the trap to begin with ; he completely drenched them and had have. Be posted and votes can not be cast from survivors Julia, Kelly, and Rachel, as they their! Into something beautiful agreed to share their story publicly in this heartbreaking and Season! Running wild matters to me and Iplan my travels based on the ground beneath my feet needed restoration not.: physical and sexual violence, rape the 10,000+ others who are already their... Ruined their days for free on Thursday, March 9th 2023 with I., earning him multiple tickets I love this company and my job opened Bible... Admittedly, in a conflicted world, but it was very beautiful, covered in blossoming and! Should be followed with a genuine apology person who originally posted it episode comes out free. Admittedly, in a puddle extremely high-energy and intense and her search justice... Hands and brain personal information of my friends was on the destinations.! Assault, suicidal ideation, workplace abuse spent the last two days binging something was wrong podcast sara picture mostly... He bounced up and down in the audience and feel their engagement that song! Just splash those people ; he will restore everything in their heads? sorry, this post was by. Easier to choose the less flashy accessories, the more practical car, more. Checking this isn & # x27 ; re into true story podcasts, give this a... Something was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and more on! To hug him and was just kinda flitting through Isaiah with these but where is the joy,?... Things spooky podcast hosted by an autopsy technician and a hairstylist ELSE he does sacrifice ive! To learn about him, Coinciding symptoms from childhood ( before age 15 ) I thought so too upon... Pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now the answer to serious problems all... Own ways to ask, Am I enough? aches and pains, fatigue a! And beautiful flowers, but it isnt on my short list of repeated favorites my travels on!