I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. If they rely on the medicine alone, for example, and do nothing to actually change their thinking patterns, they normally dont improve very much. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. 2 They're also prone to I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. There may be some mimicry of relating, but it is terribly inaccurate other than a superficial illusion. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. I called a doctor, whom she said I beat her. They werent my children, but I loved them to and got very attached to them. What I would advice for you to do is read and educate yourself as much as you can on bpd, not just a quick browse through Wikipedia but take a good few hours and learn as much as you possibly can go through lots of sites as question etc Then sit your girlfriend down and ask her what he triggers are, begin to look for warning signs as well before her rage comes out truely so you can stop them before they take full affect. 116.204.182.155 And also, if youre looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance,click hereto see our coaching plans. They themselves lack control, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior. Always. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. That might give away your power of knowledge about them. I would never have dated her if I knew she had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. Unfortunately, I haven't had the strength to not reach out every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months - essentially, to let her know "it's okay", "I understand/support you", "hope you're feeling well today", blah-blah-blah. Always grateful. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. Are you exhausted from leaving and coming back? I had to cook or organize food. I wouldn't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend. I will write everything down here (its part of my therapy). The action you just performed triggered the security solution. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. Ive been learning about BPD obsessively since he suddenly changed his relationship status and started ghosting me. Former model, really beautiful girl. Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. The first thing to realize is that your wife made a terrible. You might also see your partner experience unexpected bouts of anger,. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. It is a part of the personality that has been present all along. I dont want her back but dont want to be hated either. I was enrolled in a program that would help me improve my life and the guy running it lives in Thailand. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). She started sending hundreds of text how she loved me, she was sorry. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. That sucks. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. They perceive their surroundings in a very personal, highly emotional manner, and as a result, often react to them in an impulsive manner. I completely agree with this comment. I have 10% of friends I had at the beginning of the relationship. Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! Perhaps Youre a great person, with lots of good qualities and Im happy for you and your relationship, but not everyone is the same. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. So much so that they start arguments out of the blue and demand solutions. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. All you had to do as your exs boyfriend or girlfriend was to be loving and supportive throughout the relationship. I know she won't make it, she is not able to create a healthy relationship nor work properly at work. Were there many instances where your ex was overly emotional, self-destructive, abusive, judgmental, and demanding? Please dont fall for it. Other toxic types of relationships also follow this unhealthy push-pull, up-and-down pattern as people in toxic relationships also tend to lack control over their actions. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. Find that your loved one is constantly in trouble, or it seems they cant care for themselves. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. GF: "Ugh what an ass. You dont know Zan or his credentials either and not every psychiatrist/psychologist have the same opinions as you. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. Yes! She also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me. A new relationship begins, and while it appears positive, it's often also perceived as moving quickly. My ex constantly would bring up that I was younger and less experienced and that she knew better. Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I hope someday I feel free from this pain and gain my lessons. I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. Its possible to make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues. Fuck. First, every relationship is different. Together with the children, we were a subject of constant hate, verbal and psychical aggression, we watched her cry all the time, tore her clothes and pulled her hair out. Once you are devalued, you are treated like trash. You wrote: "I did it again. Add BPD and it must be a living nightmare. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. He only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling. BPD splitting destroys relationships in this way. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. But I was in love. After the verbal abuse of the poor girl any myself, she started hitting me, and after that, she was so outraged, she started choking me. They will use their delusion and fool you into believing an illusion, seducing you and discarding you for anything they think is a slight, even if its just in their mind, your toast!!!!! We have actually had a massive argument today. This is because the person with BPD cannot tolerate the bad feelings within themselves and needs to discharge them in an attempt to feel good about themselves. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. It will get better! RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. You have to prove her wrong. Age is a big manupulation tactic. How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). This cycle of love/hate seemed to happen at least once a month. The person with BPD who splits kills their relationship by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things they have not even done. She will drive you crazy and take a toll on your self-esteem. But borderline people are much more unreasonable as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior. it is that lof empathy that might hurt you, the partner. Fuck. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. So I did. Why else go to Thailand? She standed infront of the door saying "you are not going anywhere", after arguing for a while he grab her from the arms to move her out of the way, which she resisted really strong. I told about the recording, but he said it means nothing, if she got hurt I will for 100% get sentenced and the best thing I can do is plead guilty. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. To this point. 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