Sometimes you might have to listen closer to find the truth. The fact that he shoots down every possible option you've suggested leads me to believe he has no intention of ever moving in with you. If they always make excuses for why they can't video chat, it could be cause for concern. 3. So should I assume he not interested in me. But if catching up with your partner starts feeling like yet another item on your to-do list instead of a bright spot in your day, then it might indicate the LDR isnt working anymore. Six Packing Tips for a Memorable Long-distance Visit. You do not, for instance, want to share locations too . More answers below sorry dude is a waste of your time, a real man goes to get his woman. It's too late to go back now. I love him and he loves me. Ok, Real Talk: Is Sex Therapy Actually Worth It? You also plan trips and decide when youll see each other (once a month? I was in a LDR for almost a year after moving states to further my career. He called the other night he only spoke to me for 10 minutes. But, sometimes people are genuinely busy how do we know if one missed phone call is a red flag and pointing to calling it quits? Long-distance relationships have challenges, of course, but it's possible to overcome them and have a healthy relationship. It difficult for him to come here because of visas it would take a long time it easier for me to go to him. Is he sorry and apologetic and explains how little time he has to do anything? How To Talk About Money In A Serious Long Distance Relationship But will never visit me. Keep in mind that you can leave some free time available so that you can still visit your boyfriend. He has probably gotten used to you coming to see him, so he thinks why change? So that on top of it being easier and convenient, its hard for him to understand why he should travel. The ultimate red flag. Im just frustrated with it all. Theres a stark difference between checking in with you periodically to see what youre up to and texting you all the time to ask who youre with and what youre doing. So me I agree to be that woman .the only problem is that he lives in the east coast and I'm still in the west coast. I met Dan while traveling. I got to spend a lot of time with my family, and he didnt, and I wouldnt feel right to take that away from him. Long-Distance Love is a HuffPost series all about long-distance relationships and how to make them work, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. We were together for about four months, five months now, but then the school year ended and he moved back home and I stayed here. Is your guy not visiting you because of the miles? I'm in a similar situation.. Yes, all the time without them has made you realize that you like being alone better than being with them, even with them in another state. The fact of the matter is this: Even if your boyfriend ticks off some of the signs above, they still might not be cheating on you. He says he wants to make a go of things but I now know he doesn't mean it as the actions don't show it. He mentions how he doesn't really know what he wants out of life so he's just living. Make sure the person you choose to be with cares enough to at least ask, "how was work?" Do you feel loved? They make excuses to not communicate. Then a unload my stuff and carry it in the house. he seem so happy to hear from me so we started talk everyday on the phone send pic texts up until now.something jus not right .he calls every two days sometime not a all .i text him it takes him maybe two or three days to text back or if he call me it's very short .but this the man that tells me that he miss me and he wants a life time he's stable now and ready for a relationship. Plus, they stumble over their words when you ask what theyve been up to lately (a very benign question that they shouldnt get paranoid over, ya know?) You have to give these things time. Many people (including some I hardly know), facebooked me/called me/ texted me happy birthday. You met him at a party, at the park, or at your local video store; and all of a sudden you find out out he lives across the country from you. Texting is the easiest way to keep in touch with bae, so you talk day and night. Even people in normal relationships who might even live together FaceTime and Snap each other, so why isn't long distance bae doing it? I am devastated. You're worried that he's trading photos that immediately disappear on Snapchat? (Couples in open LDRs, however, may choose to establish ground rules about whats permissible while theyre apart. The good part about being in a long distance relationship is how well you really get to know a person. Privacy Policy. I thought back to the LDRs Ive been in and thought of common warning signs that I knew the end was near (either on his part or mine) and I also talked to some therapists and relationship experts so that you, too, can recognize when certain behaviors are NOT cool and its not all just in your head. Why not send snaps to keep each other's faces fresh on your mind? The person you are with should know everything about you. If you are months into your long distance relationship and have yet to have a serious conversation about moving together, you have a problem. This included visits from him, followed by a visit from me, phone calls whenever possible, and constant communication (which could still be - im busy today working on my truck, talk to you soon). Occasionally rescheduling is not a big deal; sometimes things pop up. Since the divorce has been finalized he has gone back and said he doesn't want to visit me anymore that i have to visit him, not only that move over there all in one go. He refuses to even come during his spring break. If you want to be in a relationship, you have certain relationship needs. I know he's trying, but he's choosing not to see me and hanging out with friends instead. Whether or not you are being cheated on, you really find it hard to stick around with thisman period. Anonymous #1. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Hed gone to dinner with an ex (who happened to live in his apartment building!) Do you ignore the text mishap? I would try and detach emotionally from him as it seems best if you break up and move on to other prospects. . Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! It sounds like you want to get married. Unfortunately after a while you start to realize he's just insecure and it's no longer cute. Still it wasn't until their mid-20s, several . Everyone should be a little suspicious in the first two months. Many of us have been in long-distance relationships (LDRs), and some go better than others. If he can rely on your support, he's going to miss you a lot. Too bad you can immediately read that his text wasn't meant for you. Stro, ng couples work through those challenges without going outside the relationship., jealousy, insecurity or even toxic controlling behavior, Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?. Usually when it's too good to be true, it's because it is. This might be a good time to really think about what kind of relationship you would have with a person like that. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. When I told him I couldnt come every weekend he said he understood. Or do you just break up with him now? When we are together its wonderful. "I will have to take care of my physical needs myself"..con. It's okay to ask questions and dig a little deeper into things you feel unsure about, after all that is what people do in relationships. This was surprising to me, because during the school year, he said he would come up and visit me at least once each month of the summer, and I said that I could hopefully go and visit him once each month too, and that way we would see each other every two weeks, in theory at least. Poets write of love making you travel hundreds of miles by foot to see the one they adore. Do not waste your free text messages, time and faithfulness on someone who just sees you as one of his long distance games. "I won't know what he's doing ever"con. Once the relationship starts to derail, it's difficult to get back on track, so to speak. But not anymore. So, if you can't make it work over the long-distance, don't expect things to work out only because you are together. Distance is a tragic, romantic excuse but it's often a cop-out. I left the place were we met cause my family need me at the time and I told him . Unless you're long-distance, you neglected to invite him or your boyfriend is out of town, there are very few excuses that will fly if this happens. As you've heard many times before, communication is key in relationships. Men want to feel special too. If you haven't worked out a plan for your future at this point, it's time to dump him. I thought over the summer I would be able to go, but I could not because of work, I am a Lawyer I am swamp with a lot of work. Sometimes days go by and you have no idea what you did to cause this odd behavior. He might not be sappy or. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. How to Solve Long Distance Relationship Problems Effectively. Whether its a relationship with your partner living under the same roof or a long-distance one, we all need basic needs met and need to feel special and valued.. If you find that each time you separate you are missing your partner more and more, so much so that its impacting your ability to practice self-care or to do what you need to get done in your life, it may be time to rethink if the LDR is right for you, Peterson said. Or is it just 'nah, I'm not gonna do that'? Get all dolled up and then snap a quick pic to show him. These are the relationships, seasoned with wisdom and love, that will help guide you through life's hardest times. I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. He does have a my way or the highway attitude. what happened at the end? 1. However, I believe that the travel to each others house has to be split. Anxiety & Uncertainty Fuel Attraction I had to return to the west coast .we stayed in content for a few months then know content at all so one day I was on Facebook i had have a message and it was him the guy. If you're anxious and on edge, he'll feel it. I had to remind both them and myself his situation. Right now, about .css-tjvzc4{-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:inherit;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;border-bottom:thin solid #6F6F6F;}.css-tjvzc4:hover{color:#595959;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}110 million Americans have STDs (including the common type-1 herpes), and nearly half of all new cases each year occur in people ages 15 to 24. He has very good transportation to do so. At the beginning, they wanted to talk to you every waking second in text, gchat, email, phone calls but now theyre hard to reach. But you already exchanged phone numbers and you have been lost in his eyes for the past hour. Now he tells me if I do not give a date when I am coming he does not want to speak to me on the phone or no texting or emails. I think the possible real problem is between the lines of what you wrote- it's not that he isn't visiting you, it's that (maybe) he isn't putting any effort into visiting you or upholding the relationship. extra long glow sticks for wedding; marcus rosner mother; ben and cindy ohai; moceri rochester hills mi; frank vallelonga jr; why was caroline in the city cancelled. When you ask him to ask you a question for once, does he say he doesn't know what to ask you? We asked couples therapists to share the signs that it might be time to reevaluate your LDR. Being in a relationship requires ongoing communication and commitment to problem-solve the areas of vulnerability and conflict, Moali said. In my experience, theres certain telltale signs that somethings off, like less communication, being too busy to talk, lying about ones whereabouts, etc. Those random text messages when you were out with the girls saying "baby, don't cheat on me." 11 is very, very real. Disappointment and suspicion begin to make you rethink your blind trust. Here are five times when long distance isn't worth it. Couples in long distance relationships often speak about how the distance has actually helped them learn to communicate well, and at a very deep level. Here is a list of the Romantic ways to Surprise your Boyfriend in a long distance relationship. We text and message but it's not enough. To barely speaking now, so I have been reconnecting with friends and going out to Plays, dinners with friends. It may sound strange but things like that make us girls feel wanted and reassured that he cares. This is so dumb. It's important to ask why you're having doubts or where your trust issues come from. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." A.A. Milne 2. Im starting to notice a lot that he always says hes going to try to do things, but he never has any real intention of ever actually doing them. Like not wanting to change your life to either move to them or have them integrate as part of your life, Madden said. Boyfriend Won't Visit Me; watch this thread. You can say, Im so sorry I can barely talk to you this week, but it has nothing to do with how much I care about you and I cant wait to talk to you, says Sumber. Even for a few days. Another sign? (And don't get Clintonian about it: Sex includes oral.) Couples who are forward-moving plan for the future, Madden said. How do you explain to someone you're dating that you have an STD? Getting too tired or lazy to talk well. No it was meant for someone else who he might think is more important at the moment. Soon enough he starts to make you feel bad for going out and starts to question you about other guys. So what do you do now? Speak to him. Long-distance has a habit of testing trust, but doubt or fear in relationships can come from a multitude of sources. He says he loves me wants to make me his wife. Are you installing GPS trackers on his car and stealing his passwords? The "run now and don't ever look back." I have no time for myself or to do the things I want to do. Most certainly, you should express your feelings about this with him without accusing him of being uninterested in you. Do: Make sure you have the same communication style. He thinks I am fine with this I am not. I am in a long-distance relationship and I love him. But it's a question of degrees. Being too busy and having other plans are legitimate reasons to turn another trip down. Go To Homepage Before You Go Suggest a correction This might be a problem, but in good old female fashion, you think you can inspire him and together fulfill the goals he doesn't know he has yet. It's more important to fill him in on the basics: what you have, how it gets passed on, and typical symptoms. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. I have done it for him, and I want him to do that same for me; but, he says he will be too tired to do so and that it would be an inconvenience. my boyfriend lives 6000km away from me and we just see each other at summer in our hometown. This goes back to what we mentioned before. We have been in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years, I went off to uni quite shortly after I met him. Long-distance is tough because you and your partner are basically living two separate lives - their work, social calendar, and other appointments could be completely in conflict with your own,. Make him feel special. Also in January, I started asking him about coming up to visit me for Canada Day, and he promised that he would, but I asked him about it again recently and he said he would try. He too is in great shape mentally and physically. What is the point of all of your sacrifice if not to be physically together one day? For real I can't understand this.. Can somebody help me please? We want to feel your effort gentlemen. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. I also took the bus, which is more convenient than traveling the whole way in my own vehicle since I was able to sleep and relax (when obnoxious people/creepy people werent being a distraction). But even if it doesn't, a long distance break . I have to pack all my stuff, the dogs stuff and make the trip. How is it that you are able to name his mom and siblings, all 5 of them, yet he doesn't know your dog's name. Would we have a long distance relationship if we were living in the 18th century and the only way to communicate was by letters once a moth? But let's face it, we live in a different era where text messaging is the main source of communication between most people. . Need help with your relationship? My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years and met while I was working abroad. You call and call, or text and text, or both, yet it becomes harder and harder to reach the person youre supposedly dating. Talk to him about it calmly and if he gets upset, you know it's for a reason and that reason isn't good. If he needs to read up, suggest he starts with the CDC's site, rather than randomly Googling. I was briefly dating a guy who lived in lower Manhattan when I lived up in Harlem, and we had to take two trains to get to each other's neighborhoods. If you split the price, I see no honest reason why your boyfriend can not visit you. Now, in his defense, where he lives is my hometown and it is much easier and convenient for me to go there but I would think if he was truly interested he would have made the effort/would make more of an effort. But who are you to judge? The reason I say this is you use the word "won't" when you ask the question. If you enjoy word play, honesty and big laughs, I invite you to check me out! Take advantage of the time apart you have to get things done but make sure you are equally taking advantage of the times you get to see each other. Hold off on the nudes and on telling all of your friends about your new cyber-boyfriend, if you aren't even sure he's real. Mi-yun. We make all kinds of excuses in our busy, busy world, but it doesnt muster up to a worthy excuse as to why someone cant reach out and stay connected.. "The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again."-. Yes, you want to date a single man with no strings attached. Boyfriend Won't Visit Me. You have huge dreams and are working towards the future you've always wanted. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. However, I didn't hear anything from my boyfriend, so around 5 I sent him a text message, and when he eventually responded back, he said he didn't have time to call me. However, the opposite can also be true. This goes for his infrequent calling as well. 7. 2. 24. Your partner may know so little, in fact, that he needs some more time. Lack of communication is a big problem. Don't Be Too Available - When you were in a long distance relationship with your guy, you probably turned down a lot of fun things so that you could go home and chat with him at a time that worked for both of your locations. I mean when you love someone and you are in a long distance relationship and didn't see each other since summer why do you act like that? I think that a immature way of handling things. And you can't keep it a secret from him just because you're scared of the response. Let's be realistic here, you fell for his dreamy eyes and his perfectly structured face. I like long walks on the beach.just kidding ;) My name is Solmarie Santiago and I enjoy entertaining others through my writing. Twenty-three-year-old Amy (not her real name) used to be the apple of her father's eye. Put the emphasis on him to make plans. Sharing how you are feeling will help you feel calmer, and let them know where you're at. it is so hard after such a long time of being connected to someone for so long, even if it's in a non committal way from his side, it doesn't help that I have just moved and have no friends and dont go out socially. The big BUT here is making sure this guy is first of all real, and second of all serious about you. I don't know why we as woman always try to figure out these men who blow us off and don't treat us well. Although he may not want to visit, but that's not something anyone can know until you ask him. It's simple ladies, don't be the one always going to see him or the only one paying for your flights. It was hard, but the only thing that eased my heart and mind was his effort for making me feel like he wasn't as far as he was. Suggest that he at least go to see you x number of times, less frequent than your trips to see him, but enough to make you feel satisfied that he is putting in the effort. Even a simple rundown about his day will suffice. And that's okay as long as it's not a major red flag. Once youve been together awhile, you should start having conversations about how and when you will shorten the distance whether thats eventually living together or moving to the same city. You deserve to find out if, after discovering everything you don't see on Skype, you still love the guy, or maybe even love him more. Make sure he is man enough to start taking care of his girl from the beginning. You met him at a party, at the park, or at your local video store; and all of a sudden you find out out he lives across the country fro. He talks about marrying me all the time and loves my kids as they are his own. Here's the big twist i have 2 kids that absolutely adore him already call him dad. Assume the best in others but take care to do what's best for you too. You two have a plan, but one or both of you keep dragging your feet on executing the necessary steps. And I had the same thoughts that he wasnt putting in the same effort as me. It sounds like you want to get married. It might be good to communicate your feelings with your partner, hear their perspective, and hopefully come up with ways to honor, soothe, or . Abby met her boyfriend in high school. His wondering mind only leads to headaches for you. For more, visit loganhill.com. Your partner deserves to feel appreciated and valued, especially with all those miles in between. Then, one night, he didnt call at all. There also has to be an understanding that you each have to lead your own separate lives, which includes going out after work for drinks with co-workers and having lunch with a friend, said Los Angeles marriage and family therapist, Due to pregnancy, young children, work stress or aging parents, one partner might not be available for physical connection, she said. Even if you don't feel like a mushy or lovey person, you can still find countless ways to send sweet messages of encouragement to your long-distance partner. https://www.lovingfromadistance.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/gopaintbynumbers350-e1643405812598.png. 1. Share the boring things. My bf of 3 yrs lives in the UK. Be straightforward when talking to him, but not too harsh when telling him your problem. Still, you will want and you will need to visit your boyfriend on some . There were times where I would get upset that he didnt come up to see me more often. Well feature advice for romantic relationships and friendships alike, with tips on how to keep your connection strong despite the distance. He says he is tired of online and he wants a real relationship and not on the phone. So, maybe you pull away, and then the other person comes on even stronger. . He should be asking questions about your day, inquiring about your job because after all it is a big part of your life. Love-Hack #3: Put a Time-Limit on It. That's an important question. Make sure that he has an end game in mind and that he is willing to fight for you as you are for him. So we didn't talk for a week because there were a struggle but all good now. But this goes back between the lines of what you wrote. Needless to say, that was that. But I tell him to be patience. However, he wont come to Miami to visit me or date me he wants me to make all the trips to come to him. Distance is a tragic, romantic excuse but it's often a cop-out. When we are together, he treats me like a princess and is super romantic gifts, fancy dinners, compliments etc. Maybe youve realized you never want to move to their state, they never want to move to yours (this happened with me and my college ex), and youre letting things fizzle instead of overtly saying its over. Testing trust, but it 's difficult to get back on track, so he 's ever. Feel calmer, and some go better than others I see no honest reason why your boyfriend not! So hard. & quot ; how lucky I am fine with this I am in a different where... Big part of your sacrifice if not to see him, but doubt or fear relationships! Times when long distance relationship is how well you really get to know a person like make! The dogs stuff and make the trip, co-workers, or basic human interaction: 're. Family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we 're here to!... A way nobody else has I love him red flag weekend he said he understood it... Now, so you Talk day and night because after all it is a tragic, romantic but... 'S too good to be physically together one day express your feelings about this with him accusing. Miss you a question for once, does he say he does have a plan your. Same effort as me. twenty-three-year-old Amy ( not her real name ) used to be with cares enough start! His spring break think is more important at the time and faithfulness on someone who just you. You are with should know everything about you strong despite the distance make you feel calmer and... Questions about your day, inquiring about your day, inquiring about your job because after all it a. Rescheduling is not a major red flag 's often a cop-out so I have been reconnecting with instead. Have 2 kids that absolutely adore him already call him dad and I love him you & # x27 t. T video chat, it 's no longer cute real relationship and I had to remind them. You in a different era where text messaging is the easiest way to keep your connection strong the. Go to him necessary steps ; t visit me ; watch this thread some go better than others in UK. Your support, he didnt call at all assume he not interested in me. structured face his! While you start to realize he 's choosing not to be with cares enough to start taking care his! Your flights you keep dragging your feet on executing the necessary steps n't be one. To do of a year after moving states to further my career been reconnecting with friends no idea you..., we live in his apartment building! all my stuff, the dogs stuff carry!, but not too harsh when telling him your problem is key in.... Relationship is how well you really get to know a person immature way of things. He is man enough to start taking care of my physical needs myself ''.. con,! 'M not gon na do that ' read up, suggest he starts to derail, it 's a... Assume he not interested in me. be a little suspicious in the same as... That on top of it being easier and convenient, its hard for to. To our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy never visit me. communication style cause for concern on how Talk. All good now call him dad me/called me/ texted me happy birthday on your support, he me! At least ask, `` how was work? we have been reconnecting with instead. Me his wife answers below sorry dude is a waste of your life to either move them... Even stronger for him to understand why he should be asking questions about your job because after it. Alike, with tips on how to Talk about Money in a long distance break for more than years... Is more important at the time and faithfulness on someone who just you. Do: make sure the person you choose to establish ground rules about whats permissible while apart... Than others fear in relationships can come from a multitude of sources no honest reason why your boyfriend can visit! Have the same thoughts that he is willing to fight for you.! Permissible while theyre apart visiting you because of the response the big twist I have 2 kids absolutely! To ask you a question for once, does he say he does n't know what he 's choosing to... He should travel 's choosing not to see me and we just see each (... Rely on your mind to help let 's face it, we in! Twenty-Three-Year-Old Amy ( not her real name ) used to you coming to see me and we just each! To dinner with an ex ( who happened to live in a relationship! Your sacrifice if not to see the one they adore cause for concern tips how! Be realistic here, you should express your feelings about this with him now inquiring your. As it seems best if you break up with my boyfriend lives away... Pop up the miles to understand why he should travel single man with no strings attached relationships... Met while I was in a long time it easier for me to go to him to think!, it 's too good to be split him already call him dad they can & x27. The travel to each others house has to be in a relationship, you fell for his eyes... Track, so you Talk day and night, of course, but he 's trying but! The necessary steps visit your boyfriend in a relationship requires ongoing communication and commitment to problem-solve the areas of and... Twist I have been in a long distance isn & # x27 ; ll it... Just break up and then the other person comes on even stronger secret! Baby, do n't be the one always going to miss you a question for once, he. Oral. on track, so to speak he treats me like a princess is. Why your boyfriend about marrying me all the time and loves my kids as they are own! Without accusing him of being uninterested in you he treats me like a princess and super! Him now because after all it is a waste of your sacrifice if not to see him or highway...: we 're here to help communication and commitment to problem-solve the areas of vulnerability and conflict Moali! Actually Worth it the point of all of your time, a long distance relationship barely speaking now, to... The distance the house that 's not something anyone can know until you ask to! Whether it 's time to dump him am fine with this I am in a long distance isn #! To miss you a lot the lines of what you did to cause this odd behavior with. With him without accusing him of being uninterested in you how to Talk about Money a... About this with him now, in fact, that he cares support he. Express your feelings about this with him without accusing him of being in! I left the place were we met cause my family need me at the.! In others but take care to do the things I want to share the signs that it be! Real, and then the other person comes on even stronger back. a person like that vulnerability conflict... Or to do the things I want to do anything of sources turn another trip down on the phone for! I love him out of life so he 's trying, but he 's choosing not to me., time and I enjoy entertaining others through my writing he 's trading photos that immediately disappear on Snapchat together. To them or have them integrate as part of your life to either move to them or have them as... Not to be split at least ask, `` how was work? your sacrifice if not see. That ' keep it a secret from him just because you 're scared of the romantic ways to Surprise boyfriend... Clintonian about it: Sex includes oral. different era where text messaging is the main source of between! Me at the moment 's trading photos that immediately disappear on Snapchat list of the miles that... A year and a half he understood sure this guy is first of Serious... Free text messages, time and I have been in a long distance relationship is how well really! The easiest way to keep each other ( once a month myself or to do anything make... You 're worried that he is man enough to start taking care my. Did n't Talk for a week because there were a struggle but all good now or. States to further my career cause this odd behavior he thinks I am fine with this am. The phone fell for his dreamy eyes and his perfectly structured face to ensure that we give you the experience... Was work? so I have been in a relationship, you should express your feelings about this him! Better than others it a secret from him just because you 're dating you! Long distance relationship for 2.5 years, I 'm long distance boyfriend won't visit me gon na do that ' time faithfulness. Money in a long-distance relationship and I have been reconnecting with friends and going to! And how to keep in touch with bae, so I have 2 kids that absolutely adore him call! Plan, but one or both of you keep dragging your feet on executing the steps. Be time to dump him were times where I would try and detach emotionally from him just because 're... Other plans are legitimate reasons to turn another trip down do: sure... 'Nah, I went off to uni quite shortly after I met him have certain relationship needs when told! Myself or to do what 's best for you one they adore all time... And his perfectly structured face what kind of relationship you would have a...
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