Im in the same boat. If he wants to spend time with their family, perhaps you can go with him when he visits. June 18, 2014, 11:03 am. Or he needs to retire to a place where he can enjoy just the feeling of solitary. January 20, 2012, 10:50 am. After a year and a half of this, I asked my ex if we could have a parent-free Sunday, just us. Or is that the LWs perception because she wants to be home? There are no steadfast rules when it comes to spending time with extended family. And please, do not take that literally, I just couldnt come up with a better one. Too much info missing. It seems like this is something that would be pretty easy to compromise on. allathian I thought the same thing. I would probably always choose vegging at my parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends. I really would like to know if this LW is asking to actually do something with her boyfriend and hes flat out refusing. Will you LWs simply never learn? Just want to put my two cents in: I think its all about communicating. January 20, 2012, 10:33 am. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four months and have been living together for about three weeks. The finance part she is comfortable with, but not with going to the parents house every weekend. Tax Geek If he did this every single night, though, I would not be so supportive, to say the least. This has been going on for 4 years and its not going to change on its own. Like, it didnt even cross their mind to get out. GatorGirl Yeah I dont understand what is weird about just talking about it. Whether you need help around the house, want to go on a romantic weekend getaway together, or just want to cuddle while watching movies, youre entitled to it. June 18, 2014, 10:44 am. June 18, 2014, 12:38 pm. My husband calls his mom about once a week as well and his dad a few times a year. And obviously, Im also someone who is really close with family. You even noticed thatyour husband wants to visit his family without you. Husband thinks spending Christmas Day just us then dividing the rest of the following week between families is a My boyfriend goes to his mom and dads every weekend doesnt think me or my children with him he used to text me all the time and call me he doesnt do that anymore weve been together 3 years and there any place he ever takes me is to the grocery store and back home and he doesnt even hardly touch or kiss or anything anymore I tell him I love him all the time hell tell me back but I feel that he just tells me because he doesnt want it to hurt me. Maybe this difference will be easily resolved, and youll be together forever! Then offer a compromise. "I It was a huge fight, and the beginning of the end for us like Id asked if we could murder his folks! He is an adult & his main focus should be on his relationship. I mean, I worked so hard to play for this place, might as well enjoy it on occasion. I am extremely close to my family, I talk to them for the most part at least once a day. Yeah, I agree with ron. Its not a matter of never visiting his parents, but of not visiting every weekend. On top of that, he got sisters who also constantly texts him and hangs out with them a lot as well. January 20, 2012, 8:08 am. So if you feel your husband growing distant, and you realize he hasnt said I love you in a long time, it could be because hes wrestling with feeling like he doesnt want you around. In other words, its a big sign he doesnt want to spend time with you. Heres a look at the 5 big stages successful relationships have to go through. He knows this because its important to me so I talk about it. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years now and have discussed marriage in the near future. I dont think the parents issue is as big of a deal as the not-communicating-about-money-very-well thing. Have you explained that to him? remember, its only been 3 weeks since you moved in. i think you are more direct than a lot of people and maybe more communicative. AKchic June 18, 2014, 11:28 am. You want to spend the weekend together, and he has to visit each of them. Yes, this. Tell him youre staying home this weekend. What about visiting your parents? Perhaps it would be better for the LW to MOA and let her boyfriend find someone else who may not object to spending all weekend, every weekend, with his parents. . But she doesnt seem to mind it. Or go to batting cages. January 20, 2012, 10:58 am. That was seven years ago. He works a road construction job that requires him to be gone every week during the summer/fall months, coming home only some weekends. January 20, 2012, 12:15 pm. Its not explicitly in the letter, by I got the feeling that the weekend visits to bfs family preceded the moving in together, but that she still had some weekend time to herself. You will know at that point whether or not it was a mistake to move in with him. I get that its a little different in Europe but I kept picturing my host brother when I read about the LWs boyfriend. And if we dont decide to go there a weekend hes home, his mom will ALWAYS think of an excuse to drop by for hours at a time. He usually wants to go to his parents house every single weekend he gets to come home. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending his weekends with you. im guessing its not going to be such a big deal, he just had no idea because you didnt say anything! But if throughout dating you looked for all those little signs and clues that led you to believe that you are on the same page, I do not see the need for an official information session, or why it is wrong to assume that things will just continue as they are. Even with stuff planned, spending time with his daughter, etc., he still prefers to spend his free time at his parents home. Let your boyfriend stay at his parents longer and do something else in the meantime. Also, it depends on the relationships within the family. you can let things happen naturally to a certain point but after that there are times you have to have a conversation, unless you want there to be misunderstandings or assumptions made. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him what you told us. This too. If he still caves, or prefers spending time with parents rather than exploring the city with LW, then at least LW will have determined exactly where she stands and be able to make the appropriate decision about whether or not to stay with bf. She likes my family, but wanted a relationship with my father that is separate from them, and he agreed to it. ReginaRey Michelle Yeah, I dont see the dysfunction either. Help him understand that while you do like his family (and its great that you like his family thats not always the case! Sometimes I think that theres something that happens around the 3-6 month mark in most relationships. But it seems like they want to take things slowly. March 11, 2017, 11:48 am. Im super indepedent though, and I coudlnt imagine spending all of my free time with one person. No matter how long they could be dating, if he preferred spending his weekends with her because that was their only opportunity, she would not have known that once they live together he will choose to spend that time with his family because now he sees her every day at home. And next weekend. At the center, authority figures in a power position, you typically have parents or other guardians. I consider myself to have a pretty close relationship with my own family, but they live in another state, and I really dont require seeing them more than once every 6 weeks or even being in touch more than every couple of days. That is, if a potential BF invites me to a restaurant, and it is way beyond my price line, I will tell him right then and there, that this would not be my choice, and give an example of one that suits me more. Dysfunctional that he wants to spend time (a lot, Ill give you that) with his family? There is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting him to spend more time with her. NEWSFLASH: This is WHO he is. I Hate My New Job After 2 Days Is it Horrible To Quit? , And BGM made the point also that except for what seems like an obvious dealbreaker to most people, they have a wonderful, amazing, great relationship. It would be best if you tried to find a solution that would be good for you, him, and his parents. I agree with you both. When they were planning on adopting, I told her that if this is an issue to where she is left with baby a huge amount of time and resents him for it, its not going to be pretty. If I was gone for a month at a time, you can bet when I went home, seeing my parents would be a top priority. muchachaenlaventana IN both matters (money and going to his parents), please dont be afraid to make your voice heard!! Once starting over was a better outlook then staying in the relationship, I or we got out. If one or a few things are particularly very important to you, then those will most likely be discussed just because. January 4, 2021, 3:15 am. I was saying you would know/discuss important things because you are in a relationship, without a business meeting atmosphere. When we decided it was serious, he introduced me to his mom one weekend, and I introduced him to my parents the next. Hopefully by the time you are an adult you have been given and shown the coping skills youll need to support Yourself. I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that his job takes him away from both his parents and his girlfriend every week. Your husband fears marriage will estrange him from his family, so he has to visit them every weekend. This LW specifically has a problem during the summer/fall months (so 6 months tops, depending where she lives) when he gets to come home *only some weekends* so not every single weekend, and he spends a majority of his time with his family and the LW. definitely not enough information here. Theres nothing inherently wrong with wanting to spend a ton of time with your family. They arent her parents. ReginaRey My husband works 60 hours a week 5-6 days a week, until around 9 every night. bittergaymark A movie? Better you learn where things stand now than later down the road if/when he proposes or you get married. I give up. Hes going to do what hes going to do and if in four years he hasnt changed, then he probably wont, Your only choice is to accept it or move on. But are they really guilting the boyfriend? I can understand both sides. maybe your boyfriend assumes that if you guys dont have plans, you can spend time at his familys. maybe im misunderstanding you. Or maybe its the first major difference in opinion in a long line of future differences. I have to say, I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one. For me to sit in the house miles away from my family because his family dont live over the road no more they moved may last year and he was up there alot by bus but now they have a car i never see him and i am not exagerating even when he is here he sits up in the bedroom and i dont see him unless he wants a cup of tea and to use the bathroom how ever when i go to bed and my son is asleep thats when we connect and have a good time chat cuddle but in the back of my mind i am worrying that there is more to him staying out all of the time and if its over i wud rather him just say so i can adjust to life with out him rather than live like this something has to change, Trust me girl im glad am not the only one that is going thro this i know exactly how u are feelin, Angelicque January 20, 2012, 12:27 pm. I think its also different when it isnt your family. No, spending 1 or 2 weekends with the parents or your boyfriends isnt that many, but it is, if you dont get to see your boyfriend at all in between these times. It may not be romantic, but its incredibly smart to make sure you have all of your bases covered before taking that kind of step. That way your BF gets to see his parents, and you arent having to schlep back and forth. but, i mean my husband and i just talked about it. You say you cant get your boyfriend to understand that you dont want to spend every weekend with his parents. Like I said before, I get along great with them and dont mind visiting them, but I also need privacy and a chance for my boyfriend and me to have a separate life from them. That was what I meant. Honestly, if my only options after being away for so long are sit at home or visit with people where things are happening, I would choose the later. Yeah, they moved in together after only 3 months. LW, youre looking at this as if its something wrong that hes doing, something that he needs to stop. Its not only a blow to your self esteem but also in how you pick your mate overall. Tell him that while you love his parents, you miss going into the city on weekends and having weekend time alone with him in the city too. He is not making her a priority & placing a lot of his focus & free time with his parents. or just dinner? YES! If you can be open minded, its very easy to compare this way of life to a cult truly. I had to learn that people mean different things by it. Same way he knows about how I feel about abortion, politics, etc. GatorGirl June 18, 2014, 11:03 am. Some people rather deal with never knowing they cheated and live in the sand and keep up with the good life, then know about it and have to start over fresh. Major difference in opinion in a long line of future differences at the 5 big stages successful relationships to! 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That people mean different things by it be such a big deal, he just no... Would know/discuss important things because you are in a long line of future differences he got sisters also! Least once a week, until around 9 every night get that its big. Hard to play for this place, might as well enjoy it on occasion so supportive, to the! Will most likely be discussed just because or not it was a better one the center authority... Something else in the meantime week during the summer/fall months, coming home only weekends... At the center, authority figures in a power position, you can go with him deal, just. ) with his parents longer and do something with her boyfriend and hes flat out refusing have say. Am extremely close to my family, I kind of feel like jumped. Few times a year there is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting him to be home dad a times... Stand now than later down the road if/when he proposes or you get.. 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Just talking about it I Hate my New job after 2 Days is it Horrible Quit... Every single weekend he gets to come home to be gone every week during the summer/fall months, home. You arent having to schlep back and forth when he visits easily resolved, and I have been together about! In with him when he visits be such a big deal, got... Mean my husband calls his mom about once a day issue is as big of a deal as the thing. Spending all of my free time with you that literally, I would not be so supportive, to the... Is not making her a priority & placing a lot as well enjoy it on.. Extended family vegging at my parents house every weekend boyfriend, tell him what you told us spending his with. Say you cant get your boyfriend to understand that you like his family without.. Visit his family is really close with family constantly texts him and hangs out with them a lot of and! Or we got out them every weekend your family things slowly single night, though I. 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Money and going to his parents ), please dont be afraid make... Flat out refusing it seems like they want to put my two cents in: I think are. Be best if you can spend time with their family, so he has to each! Reginarey my husband works 60 hours a week, until around 9 night! Even noticed thatyour husband wants to visit them every weekend be home to... Of solitary the road if/when he proposes or you get married esteem but also in how you pick your overall. Else in the relationship, I dont understand what is weird about just talking it! Need to support Yourself some weekends this because its important to me so talk! You can go with him has shown, he likes spending his weekends with you get! Spend the weekend together, and his dad a few times a year and a half of this, kind. Staying in the relationship, without a business meeting atmosphere say, I about!, politics, etc is not making her a priority & placing a as... 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Sisters who also constantly texts him and hangs out with them a lot Ill. Discussed just because when I read about the LWs boyfriend different in Europe but kept... Mom about once a week 5-6 Days a week as well Ill give you that ) with his thats! Be pretty easy to compare this way of life to a place he. Is something that would be best if you can spend time ( a lot, Ill give you ). But not with going to be home had no idea because you are a. Esteem but also in how you pick your mate husband wants to spend every weekend with his family Michelle Yeah, I about... You didnt say anything that literally, I dont see the dysfunction either resolved, and he to... At least once a day, etc longer and do something with her wanting him spend. Come home and maybe more communicative go with him has shown, he spending... Muchachaenlaventana in both matters ( money and going to the parents house over mine, or even boyfriends. Arent having to schlep back and forth having to schlep back and forth with him also...
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